Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: January 2026

Thursday, January 8, 2026

One mistake

Costs 1200 and 550 more

The balance of life is makes me fall down the dark cliff

I am inundated with the wrong numbers

26000 amd then some

For loss and more bargained effort that only explains drama

Sometimes i wish im sucked into the pain and glory

But here i am

127 andcounting

43 and or 44 and 24 and then some

Numbers

Make my life wirse make my life bettr

The 5 lost

Eqxh day set me up for hell

But i cant see any good in me anymore

Not

I am lonely

I am afraid

Constantly

I am unhealthy

I am really bad like in tennis or opera

Really bad

Even in anything

Like dreaming

Or convincing

Or hiding

Or letting people love me

But i know thats not true

Or is it

I think it is

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -