When u cant hear but only your troubles
And the whispers of damaged things
When you cant understand why you dont fit in
Or why they dont like you
Although honestly you do love them
Admire them
And love going to them
But they probably only dont like you
And theyve never come visit
I wish maybe upon too good a things
Like very good things
I dont even know i deaerve
And if i open my heart there are only wild untamed flowers in there
And dry leaves and maybe a soren of help
And turmoil
For i am the bad manager of my life
And i am the dissapointment of myself
I am the angey of my sorrow
And the pain of my disasters
I am my own never after
And whenever i go to the angels that dont like me i think
Maybe im just the devil i cannot see
And because of their pureness they can
My insecurities fall and tumble in their garden and my shame i sip in their orange
Today i felt worse
Like they didnt even ask me how i was
And that my mum was a poor cook
I know im exxagurating
But i really am not my emotions
I always feel simply... Broken when i go
Like i have no goodness
Like i have no emotion
Like i have no life or worse that what i like what i want and what i feel they will always hate
They will laugh at my judgement always
And they will laugh at my stupid choices
For they hate indian jasmine trees
And i .... Dont
And theyll never come visit me out of the soulfullness of their love for me but i ... Will
And theyll never want to have anything to do with me but i ... Always will i guess
Cuz im weak
Like ill never wake up for subuh or ill never finish stuff i need and ill never ever be the womqn i truly want to become
And now here i am ridiculing myself
Trying to open myself bare and its just too sore
Trying to open myself to know and its just too wild
Who am i really? Where have i come from and where am i going?
Do i really deserve all these good things
Or dont i?
