The last and the first

 The excitement hits me and I fall 

I’m so excited I can’t breathe

So worried I can’t think 

So hoping I can’t move

So anticipating I can’t sit still

The calendar moves and yet I freeze

Suddenly my worry frightens me 

Like my daughters little heart 

Or my sons 

Or my… 

I can’t even think or write

Days are coming 

I wish upon stars galaxies 

And simply and importantly God 

please ya allah help me

Make me strong and make me willing 

I thank you for what you have given

And I am greedy for more

I don’t know why my fingers still

My eyes just stare at a computer my writing skills seem to fade

When I need everything the most

And I most grateful 

I am tired

Sweating

That last lap now 

It’s a long and short at the same time 

Sweet but sour

Happy yet scary

So so scary

But I fit the job 

Ya allah help me through it all