maddeningly diasspointed

 Now i have to bare the crest of watching my new neighbours enjoy what i thought i deserved

but someone else didnt think so

and so my fate was in their hands

but then again it really is all Allah

so i do know deep down and surface up that it just was not meant to be

heartbreakingly so

maybe im not meant to 

a house 

a bedroom

whatever

maybe we will just have to grow up like this

lets just go to the estate agents she said

what point?

i think to myself this is really painful

angrily so

maddeningly so

annoyingly so

texting wishing emailing going driving parking hoping trying asking checking

and still an F

but there are worst Fs that if im not careful things can dissapoint further

is it really worth it?

maybe i should wait to see what 2023 has to offer

maybe its new beginnings or stay the sames with twists or maybe no twists

maybe its success just like i dream 

you know what maybe its buying not renting

maybe its renting

maybe its not

but is it worth my anger?

is it worth my pain?

is it worth this sadness

well its hard to walk out of it

but then ive seen teachers stupidly stand in corridors all day where theyre not wanted

they believe that someone will just come up to them and say hey look

were sorry actually you were right here teach away this is your class

what do i believe

hey on second note here is the house 

or 

we made a mistake or whoever we gave it to said no give it to the other family 

is that what my mind say?

i am not stupid

but i do want to publish cool articles

and lose weight and stop shouting at my kids

and try and try harder to make them comfortable

best hope