Whos fault is it ?

 Its interestring that the last post written just before this one is about my mother

and here i am again writing about her

and me

since i am a mother too

albeit a broken one 

jigswas of love combine to form anger

in the form of love

our worstparts become all our parts

our worst parts become unhidden, seen

our worst parts hurt us and form us into another realm of anger, disgust, madness, being unreasonable and simply in pain

this is the first time i feel a lot of pain from myself and from my mother

physical pain not just mental

and although i said im sorry there is a lingering of anguish inside me

is this really who we are

its all just pretend then

and then there is my daughter 

who i treat worst than my mother treats me

and i wonder what i expect from her then 

except what she sees now 

i feel angered with noone but myself

but i also ask why yesterday?

is it really my fault, her fault, my daughters fault?

or is it someone elses

that eye

that will always remain a secret but our actions wont

actions hurt

i ask myself 

is this the pain people feel before they do and do and do 

i feel sick i feel like noone understands me

i think i am kind but am i?

i think i am good but am i?

i think i am smart but am i?

i think i am great but am i?

i think i am a human being but am i?

it saddens me 

how in this world people hurt each other 

those who know each other , and those who dont