Inside tears

gush through me and tear out my eyes 

secretly flooding the meaning of love that i so madly believe in 

 the truth is nothing true of my wishes t

he truth is heartbreaking and a twist of emptiness 

empty wishes 

empty dreams 

empty words 

empty things 

empty eyes 

empty voices 

empty mornings and evenings too 

 i feel very sad 

that i cannot get across what i want to get across 

that maybe i am incorrect 

 that maybe i am incorrect in trying to always believe 

 I feel sad that i am uncontrollable and that i am existent in a world and he is in another 

I feel sad that i am so alone 

not physically but mentally 

 nobody understands me escpecially those who i need to understand me the most 

 I feel so far away in what i want and need and what i can be given 

the offer is so poor

 its like going into a huge shop you had such big hopes in to find everything you need and desire but it turns out be something else 

 my tears soak me 

my skin has holes and my eyes are blurred and my heart aches 

 I wish i knew the true meaning of words 

 of behind the image 

 of behind the sound 

 of behind the im busy 

 of behind the calling not ringing 

 of behind all the things i dont understand 

or of others that dont want me to understand 

 my towers are shaking 

my strength is faltering 

my confidence is realyl nothing here 

i am this fake person trying to make it in a big mans world without nothing on my side 

 too many worries 

too many questions i cannot ask 

too many answers i feel are not the right ones 

too many misconnections 

 too many wishes i cannont make true 

 too many fears consume me

 too many emotions heavy to carry 

too many responsibilities i have to take alone because today i truly feel alone 

 with all my heart 

 with all my soul 

with all my being 

i feel alone 

i feel so stupid too 

i feel ugly and 

i feel that i am boring

 i feel a mess

 i feel powerless 

i feel disassociated and if i try to ask 

 i fail 

i get shot with roses 

maybe the message didnt delete? 

i dont know 

 i dont care 

 when im upset things always turn to me apologising 

and 

when im upset no one ever fixes it 

and when im upset i have to deal with it alone

and when im upset it has to stay a secret 

and when im upset im probably wrong to feel upset 

and when im upset im probably exxagerating 

and when im upset im probably silly 

and when im upset im probably selfish 

and when im upset i better shut up because ill get the im busy treatment 

 and when im upset i better find the cure quickly 

there must be a cure 

oh but where is it? 

please help me find it ? 

 can i buy it? 

can i conjure it? 

can i whisk it into my heart? 

can i borrow it ? 

 can i find it thrown away ? 

can I make it?

 please there must be a cure 

 its like love has become professional not balanced 

 ask for a letter you get it in a millisecond ask for love you must be joking