An empty hole

Deep inside me there used to be worry anger and pain all filling this massive hole 

Expectation too 

Note that the hole can only be filled with bad things getting bigger like the darkest galaxy if you feed it and smaller and smaller  if you don’t 

So now there is just an empty hole

It’s still big from what it used to be 

Awaiting fillingBegging me to dive into its smooth corners where you just have no grip and tumble and tumble and tumble Or the shiny black walls that you can’t see anything past it 
But I am working. Each and everyday on not giving a place inside me for this empty hole to growA month on from Ramadan there are so many 

Unanswered questions and plenty of why’s 

Anger and fear

They’re all outside my hole banging to come in find a home for themselves 

Like swarms 

But my hole is not open for living or renting space

It’s not open 

It’s just closed and out of order 

And you know how this is happening?

Which is a miracle really

As I was previously filled with sorrow and remorse

The answer lies in trusting gods plan 

It’s as simple as that 

You can only do so much and you can only do what comes out of you and you can only look to you for existence

No one else can make you exist 

You can’t change people’s thoughts or actions and if you try align them with yours you just fail 

In most things anyway 

You just fail 

But if you look at yourself and yourself only and pray and look inwards to that empty hole to reflect light on it

You won’t have space or time to be angry to be questionable or to be afraid

I am now living by maintaining a habit of reading a small bit of Quran each night and making Duaa 

Duaa supports the life in you . Makes you feel like a winner fills you up with hope and strength and makes you know that you are not alone 

The Quran even if it’s small stabilises things 

And so now I sit with my empty hole waiting for it to get smaller 

And living outside it