Tuesday, September 18, 2012

you have one and a half hours to find closure

I ask myself
Until when Will muslims be only reacting robots , brought on by a chemical reaction the result of an explosion gone wrong or the end phase of an experiment gone right,

now I ask myself
Until when  will i always be the reaction to something and never the initiating actor the game on my hands, the chemicals for love or hapiness are in my hands and i let someone else react -


until when will i be the reaction to bad decisions or lazy expeditions in this beautiful life
until when will i be the reaction to an addiction or the consequence , the consequence of saying its too hard

I see someone who cantstop smoking and think that is just plain stupid i would never ever ever be in that situation
unable to save my life

and then i look at myself
am i not in that position
unable to save my life


No
this blog
this blog is a a history of my dealings, my feelings, my thoughts, my tears, my joys and my despair , 
its a journey that sometimes when i look back i regret i admire, i love, i hate , i still wish, i loathe to apprehend and its a memory, of times whne i was right , when i was stupid, when i was wrong, so wrong, when i was good, when i was a disaster ,

I am only sad at the time ive spent , wasted tears, and dreams that are just useless, maybe it does hurt more when i remember the car window and a young growing girl with innocent dreams, asking all the way home, but god has been nothing but kind to me , nothing but good to me and so I will be good to him
i will not trumpet like a false player, I will not scream like a child, I will not go numb like the paralysed, I will not drown like the sinking, I will not shed a tear

i enver restrict myself about what i want to write about
i never really into detial about what a piece is about
as i feel details ruin the emotion
i never restirct myself
but htis time I will
I will give myself only till the start of the new day that exactly 1 and a half hours to say anything i feel about the news i heard today
and then i will never ever ever write about this part of mylife again

fpr nothing saddens me except the time ive wasted
but i know i must find closure

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