its time to drum life and art into faith into me

I have failed my deen
all that is healthy and smart
i have failed my religion
all that is wise and good
I have failed my deen
all that beautiful and clean
I have failed my talents
all that god gave me to prove
worthy of his choice for me
that i am doing very well
becauuse out of so many other simple humans
he chose me to be better
to have better
to know better

and yet


i choose the untamed
i choose the faulty
i choosethe blind

like blind misery i take the mess
i dont pass the test of believing in islam like i can
like i should
like i fear God's....God's.....God


yes, how many words have i used in the past all amounting to the same meaning


I
do
not
  know
how important
this faith
is



I find condition in the unconditional pain
i think i must have to prove a point of love


I find understanding in the misunderstanding i preach
to cry tears of confused emotions


i find representation in the unrepresentated category of my despair and turmoil bleeding agony
of a life
not
worth i tihnk
living

not becasue it is not a nice life
or a sweet life

but becasue i am running
without losing sin
i am jumping all the wrong obstacles
i am running in the wrong direction

oh how i love to say
oh how i love to be
oh how i wish i could be better


wrte for a better cause
be a better person
think a stronger demand
fulfill an honest dream
commit a beautiful dawn

know a wonderful me
change the insides i disgust
into something i trust

and desire desire all my life

all my wasted life

ya allah
ya allah
ya rahman

ya rahman