Handsome soldier
I think ive been trying to find you everywhere
my search went wild in every place i looked
in every man
within myself when I couldnt see you anywhere
I made you up
I drew you
wrote you
dreamt you
invented you
everything
Just so I can see you
I wanted /want you so bad
handsome soldier you were the first poem I ever thought of
and since then it never stopped
I try and kill you and you just come alive again
I want you
the man who will fulfill my destiny
But its funny becasue even though you take up all my life
you are not in my life
and even though I love you more than anything
there is something I can htink of that I love more than you
Handsome soldier
you are the first thing on my mind
and that is not perfectly right
if you were the true man I want , you even would not want that
but i spill you complicate you
change you
when it really is so simple
I
Love my faith more
I love God more
he is the only first thing in my life
andbecasue it has not been so
my life has been a disaster
more importantly
I never thought about what you want
if you are the man of my dreams
am I the woman of yours?
why am I so selfish?
surely
it cannot be so
surely it cannot
be
so
...................................
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