I can't believe it.....that time of the year again

I can't believe it....it is that time of the year again
nearly that time of the year again
that time of the year again
when life begins again
and the past is forgotten again
and the future is fixed again
the devils are caught again
and the angels are reemployed again
it's that time of the year again
when the test of faith is hard again
but the love of the soul is sought again
and  the days and nights get mixed up again
and it's up to you to do your best again
it's that time of the year again
when your days stop living for life and instead you live for God and the heaven
your days forget your normal job or your normal tv or your normal anything
and everything becomes infiltrated with love and love for forgiveness

I...... feel very autonomic
these days I feel so autonomic that I need something deep and personal
I need something to open me and heal me and change me and shake me and remind me and have me with all my troubles and all my troubled past

I feel so dry I need something to moisten my cracks with nourishment
fill my dehydration with replenishing time
I have forgotten the use of good  time
as always....
I have forgotten true faith
I have forgotten true heaven
where is it that I want to go?
I have forgotten what I saw last year
I can never forgive myself for things i have done

I can still see the shock when I first saw your home dear God
when I first set eyes on your black and gold furniture of truth
when I furst couldnt talk or take my eyes off the wondrous beauty
 I was so queit I wanted to jump and scream and  tell everyone I was there
but everyone was not important
my eyes  and my soul were the only thing important

and as each step brought me closer to you it took me further from all that was wrong.........
oh how I wish I could play all that al over again
but I know I do not deserve
I know that I do not deserve to be the beautiful woman
for how can you be beautiful if you are ugly inside
but dear GOd.........
the time hascome where you forgive again
and prayers are answered again
and days become for you again
and we race to read for you again
and do the best we can again
and fall in love again
with all that you have created

please please give me the chance
I beg you
not just to let me live
but to rekindle in me all that is sleeping
to awkaen in me that scene where I am sweet again and young again in purity
in innocence
in time and in love
oh god how I miss loving you
you are the only real and true love story in my life
and i know I have betrayed you
oh how I have betrayed you
so much so my face hurts and my eyes are dark and my ears are broken
Dear God I am a failure right now
 icome to you a failure and a terrible person
and I beg you I beg you I beg you I beg you I beg you I beg you I beg you I bg you I beg you I beg you i beg you I beg you ....................to save me................