I wish I could tell her that she is wrong and I am right

i wish I could tell her she is wrong
she is wrong and I am right
I am the better one
living here
amidst all danger
amidst all the bombs and all the fury
alll the temptation and lust

I wish I could tell myself I am a good person
a good woman
a cherishable woman
a clean woman
a kind one
a kind of a kind one

I wish I could tell her she has such a boring love story
its not even a complete love story
it's a really boring one
I wish I could prove to her that I am better
that I am sexier and more wanted
I wish I could make her see how important I am


I wish I could make them all see what love awaits me
me first
I want to see

I wish I could tell her I have such a handsome man
a soldier
a true muslim man
a perfect man
a trustworthy
man
a man who is madly in love with me
yet sanely arrives
a man who is passionately in love with me
dangerously in love with me
yet protects me
everything and everyone else

I wish I could make her see how my hair flows nicely and my eyes shine brightly
how my body is dramatic ad sexy
how my moves are special
how i can dance and move
and move and dance
and how everyone can be seduced

by me

I wish I could make her envious
make her feel dissolved
make her feel weak and
make her
feel
like the bad one


but today
here right now
at this moment
I feel wicked
I feel awful
I feel broken
I feel so broken
like I#ve never felt before
and i feel like I am so low
I really cannot go any lower
I feel my account has reached zero
I feel my time has been wasted
I feel my eyes have been killed
I feel my heart has been wounded
I feel my soul has been disgusted
i feel my body is trapped
If it could run it would
I feel my mind is lost
I feel my mind is cruel
so
i cannot tell her that she is wrong
I cannot tell her that I am better
I cannot even open my mouth
I cannot even begin to defend

for I have nothing to defend
I am a broken shield
i am looking for little sand granules when there is an explosion in the sun
the heat of my vision will fry me
the power of evil will vanish me
the thrust of despair will consume me

I cannot even open my mouth
I cannot
no
more.....