Implosion

 A fascinating scary word

Catastrophic 

When pressures outside become to much to bare

Like how it’s hard right now waiting for answers waiting for time waiting for words like spears

I watch the resemblance how unforgiving how tough how obedient the need is

And I ask myself

If it’s this painful to feel

Why do I do it to them?

Each day it gets harder

The way the materials I’m made of change for the weaker

With nothing to strengthen them from the inside 

They say it’s always them 

But this time I guess it really is me

For the pressure is strong and natural 

But me I don’t have the power to make it go away 

Or to protect myself from the words

Implosion 

A catastrophic event

Not outward but inward

When the cracks start maybe a little while they have been there maybe suddenly and as deeper and deeper it goes as tough as it gets until 

…. Silence

Many repeats made it happen so what are my repeats I feel ok knowing I try but when I don’t 

I feel like no matter what I could be made of I will 

… implode

Like this no religion 

Just a target

It’s coming 

——-

It’s hurtful but I must bare it

It’s shaming but I must take it

What really hurts is that this is my consequence right now 

4 people in a room just cannot make for an empty one

But that’s ok my fire burns because I’m strong 

It’s difficult but I can make it

It’s lonely and that’s the hardest taking

My body is getting heavier and heavier

I imagine the silence of the wreck 

How the time clicks and turns down there by people’s mistakes

If only If only if  only

What are my if onlys?

What are my ‘I wish I could take backs ‘

Well right now I graduated and I’m proud

I must be strong so I can survive it

Best hope