Pieces of me 2 - luck

I find myself asking - is it strategy or luck 

Is it defiance or goodwill

Is it solidity or vapour of truth

The answer is I believe allah helped me and is helping me and I thank him for that each and every second without deserving without even knowing 

Is it the time is it the reason is it the flicking of lanes is it the goal is it the speed is it the way is it the exchange of power or the exchange of truth is it the loss of something and the gain of something else is it the fear the ocean of ignorance

All I know is - god is with me and I am not deserving 

Pieces of me

What does it mean to be smart , to be informed and to be wise? 

Well as woman, I think all the above come first from being a woman, our abilities to be strong to expand our emotions and accept but also to not accept. to balance life, to balance ourselves. being smart is to love yourself truly first. Because I realise that, no one can do that true honour for you 

Yes others can love you, deeply and wonderfully, can give you joy and happiness and can support and comfort you make life exciting and beautiful and most importantly can be there for you and help you, but at the same time – no one can really love you like you can love yourself – and to do that you must offer yourself gratitude, support, and most importantly acceptance. 

Being loving of yourself can heal your heart, can give honour to your mind and allow the access you need to open new pathways and new hopes. For no matter what, there is always hope, there is always a path forwards and a way to find a smile. Its vital you don’t fall in lifes miseries, miseries that others create for you, miseries that others just don’t care about, or think about . so you also don’t think about. Find the goodness. Find the purity. And don’t worry. If God put you in it. He will pull you out of it.  

18 January 2021

A small act changed my life 

It came out of the blue

But changed my future quick

Erased my beautiful past with a swipe 

And broke my wings

Those wings I use to fight and fly with

Dream and feel free with

Feel strong and powerful with

Feel good and happy with

Feel proud and determined with

Feel solid and unbroken with

All those things changed 

It was like a new dawn a new era upon me 

But without the sun

Without the trust I had given away so easily

I don’t know

A part of me remains

Catching the cool wind and trying to entertain

The remaining is in the spiders web only able to watch asking silently 

That old hope filled with fire and power I feel is gone

But then I ask 

It was already gone 

I had eaten into the power of me

Through my loud voice and anxiousness

Through my seemingly invisible strength

Here I am 

Shouting and singing threats 

Never able to face defeat

Instead hitting it until I bruise

And then asking people to fix my bruises

Here I am wanting the results without trying

Expecting gain without effort

Trying But never really

Wanting but never asking

Myself

On the 18th January 2021 i realised I truly was alone

But the worst is that I had really failed myself

Believing in others never really ever believing in me

Trusting others but not me

Living my life not to its potential or nowhere near while others were very much living ... differently to me anyway 

And here I was not in harmony with my soul or myself or my goals or my dreams or my aspirations

Being led with a rope face in mud 

And expecting that the sandalwood of my heart will still show

I am sad but from no one but myself

I am feeling so alone because I am not close to god or myself

I am feeling powerless because I have never given myself the power of persistence or strength

I am feeling in pain because I have given myself word and kept it