lost without control >>>> pre ramadan tiredness

It is likely that you have been feeling a lot of pressure in your career lately. You may be wondering if it is worth the stress. Don't take your mood too seriously. Let a few days pass before making any radical decisions about changing your life. If possible, spend some time alone to think about what is really important to you. Meditation will help clear your head and better judge whether or not you are on the right path.




it is likely i am creating the stress for myself 
going low to the lowest of intervals of my life feeling like i have no control

remember i used to be lost but under control
now my hands dont leave my phone 
and i am a bad influence 
used to pray at the mosque and fight battles all the same
now he just fights battles feeling like i make it a losing one 

where are the words
the memories 
the strengths
the coping strategies that work
the love
the love for self
for harmony 
for baking
for studying
for becoming something


where am i 
what am i doing
where am i to allah
is this the person i want to grow up as ?
what is happening!


long time no hear
its like a room inside me is locked
where is the key
why cant i open the door to this room

if i did find the key
what would i find inside
what am i looking for in this missing room

is it a room beautifally decorated but empty
is is a room filled with things
what things
beautiful clothes
qurans 
my family
lots of certificates

what am i looking for 

i feel like im only using a single mode of my brain
like its just jammed
there is nothing else working but what im using now
limitied programs
limited settings

just a tiny part of life
is what im living 



to be continued.....