Bye bye 28

So here you are

On your last day of year 28 in yur life

Definitely with life

With blood and fear

With emotions

With tears

With work with no work 

Here you are

On the last day pf your 28th year

This day 

28 years ago

Mama was tired and emotional and just wanting u to desperately enter this world

She was at the end of her journey to make u and at the start of being there for u 

And now here u are

Just a pointless,,, senseless woman, type

Of a daughter

Of a friend

Of a cousin

Of a wife

Of a lecturer

Of a studyer

Of a believer

If you take all those things

You wonder still why allah hasnt given u the chance to be like ur mama

And now here you are

Alone

And gonna start inshallah ur 29th year

Of life

Not like sanaa

She died in year 14 of her life

You just lived her age twice

Now arnt u lucky

A winner of competition

Youve always been a competer

Even with those who have lived Three times the age of your life

Now isnt that just smart of u 

Putting ur small 28 with 78

And trying to deal with her the same way u deal with 58 

And they way u deal with 28 

With u 

Isnt that just clever now

....

Arnt u just clever

And smart now

Arnt u always hiding

Arnt u always running

Arnt u always apologising

What is an apology

?

Is it the excuse to say anything u want and then erase later?

Is it the chance to get people to unserstand really how kind u are?

Is it the realisation that u really are sorry?

For what are u sorry?

Being u 

Or being there

Or being here

Or being somewhere in thought that just wasnt right with others

Can u divide and apology? 

Like say im sorry for this but nit sorry for that. 

?

What if someone realises ur not really sorry u just dont want to lose them

I dont know what i want to lose 

But i do know i want to be alive

But not like these past 28 years