I just wanted to say... Ive never felt so intimidated by anyone in my whole entire life. I suddenly had the urge to... bleed. All my past away. for I felt in that instance that i was the only reason for all my pain ain... largeness in life. For a plit second i really hated who iwas more than i could ever have. and i really wished i wasnt there. all i could thinkk about was/.// elegance that i hadnt achieved and love that i hadnt created within myself. how i really felt ugly and i really was. for a moment life paused and i could feel and taste and hear but i couldnt think or speak. i wasnt allowed even for i felt permission was refused by superiority of.... ability and she was able while i was not. Pure.... first and thirld world ranks i felt. I was from poverty. My whole insides were screaming with hunger although I havnt felt hunger for a very long time meaybe never , never inadequately anyway. never never been around food. always with me somehnow - and today i was surrounded and yet i was so alone. I felt.... stupid and silly for being there. because i was ...so.... unfitting, the wrong jigsaw piece. the broken glass piece that wont fit back in the right place. all bits off. all parts heavy. all mistakes clear/ I could infiltrate thoughts.. God thats a bit too big. strange I had thought of that order - before her in my deep mind somewhere int he place where I still havnt ... created/ but I went for the wrong choice ..as always.
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