so angry....

am angry.... so so angry
at the , at her, at me,
at the way things have to be
wish i could just show them whos who
who right
not because i am

but because it hurts

this feeling that you think youre strong but you realise ... they were
although their life has changed and i hope it collapses like a rolling mountain down the valley with thunder and terrible storms
i hope their life shatters and she never buys another toob again
i hope they are disgusted and their souls meltiwth tragedy


and yet when i ask t hat i feel the same for me
for my heart isnt used to being so cruel no matter what

and yet
im angry
i want to be bitchy
i want to be mad
i want to shout at their face
and be horrible to them

at her

always under
always begging for approval
theyre so much bettter cleaner wiser
and yet
we beg for their approval
i hate her for being weak
i hate her for being so//// damn weak


and yet i feel the same way
i hate myself for being so weak
and so  pathetic
she just wont get it
and neither will i
and in the middle is my portal of sanctuary which sometimes is a hellfire


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


wish i could just be sweet to myself first
and then to to to others
but im not
im angry
so so angry
and


so


afraid



day 2 of devlish power its 2 days since they are back
it must be them that make us feel bored or mean or angry


it must be

and i must fight it even if i want to feel it


Ya ALLAH
help me fight it