where have you gone/?

THere comes a time in my mind where  i cannot influence even myself
and i feel really small
because my mind is all about others and never about God or myself or people that i love
and there comes a time in my heart where i feel something else owns it
like sleep or the devil or the sultanate of the past
and there comes a time when i hold my fingers upon the letters and i cannot even remember what i feel so i cannot write


anything


and i feellike i dont own anything in this world
except wasted space


Re: and yet I own the world because i am a muslim woman
young and free and in love
with life with a fierce man of honour and with success
and home earth as well as time
and health
and thoughts that are expensive
and a a chance to grow old
but stay young
i have the chance to get up on time if i want to
and lose all my fears if i want to
and become a new person if i say so
and stop talking if i mean it
and ask for nothing if i decide
 except heaven

right now
i am asking for everything but heaven
indeed i ask for hell
for i purposely want to do wrong things

so i ask myself
where am i?
am  i the black spot on a white piece of paper
or am i the rotten apple amongst a barrel
or am i hydrogen sulphide of a dying egg

i dont know
i just feel like
i dont deserve anything right now
except a little splash of disgust


AND YET>.....