I dont feel like writing

I dont feel like writing
probably because during inspiration hours  I am sleeping
angry to wake up and try to find love
I dont feel like writing because I am wrong
and I am not strong
I have nothing to write about
I hate all these noises and thoughts near me
i feel ugly and like a fake
too big to fit into my dreams
and I cant seem to make my dreams fit me
i dont feel like writing
my dreams seem to have melted
I close my eyes so hard and still the edges of the dream
are grey and the centre is all fuzzy and the sound is mute
like a broken cinema
I cant see the wonderful film I created no more
no matter how hard i try to fix it
all i see is messy lines on the screen
I dont feel like writing
i dont feel like writing at all
I dont know how to write or what to write
about my fears?
about my questions?
about my jealousy?
my terrible jealousy?
about my anger?
that im always trying to hide
I feel like im split in two
one the one who no one knows about
the other the one that everyone knows about
yet no one seems to understand