i feel embarrassed

I feel embarrased from my faith
my beautiful faith and dreams
I feel embarassed that i am jealous from waht others have even though i have it!
i cannot explain but i feel embarrased from time from wonder wrong
from explicit trauma of power
and i feel embarrased that i am only getting older but i am not going forwards
 i feel embarrased that i am weak
and unable to maintain anything i desire
i can only maintain waht my soul watns
and its funny
how my soul and I
we want the same things
and yet the outstanding pictures are two totally different things

i feel embarased from you my god
from you my deen
from you my covering faith

I have lost hte world time and time again
 ihave lost time over and over throughout
i have forgotten about memories good ones
and strength living through hope and sanity
and good deeds
i have remembered only a small portion of madnessa nd wickedness
and i feel embarrsed that i am loking at life through this sad and small porthole
one without light
one without ......me