To my dear sister

I once had a sister , her name was Eman. she was 6 or 7 when she died as she had some health problems.I was maybe 10, I can't remember I was a child  i don't really remember her either - in fact I never really think about her or feel taht  Ihad a sister


As I write these words A feeling I never felt in my life comes upon me


I have a sister.....
I am not really an only child - it's all a fallacy
I am not alone
I have a sister


her name was Eman
I would have been older than her by a couple of years
But I wonder if she was here would all my problems be minimal
We would help each other lose weight
we would look after our parents
take advice on them
we would have opinions
who knows she would save me and I would save her


...................To my dear sister eman
I was young when you were alive. I was stupid and a child. I never knew how to love you and I think I was scared of you. In summary, I didn't know you - It's why today , now I feel like an only child - I dont know why I never thought of you before
I don't know - I asked god to help me today - I just feel so alone sometimes like I am unlovable (parents dont' count)
I feel unlovable sometimes , escpecially when I see all those movies - the minute the movie ends I feel I am sucked into big black hole  and I want to rewind the movie all over again
God - I fee ashamed I thnk like that - I feel embarrased I do this to myself
I have such a good life -but I abuse it
Dear sister - I suddenly am thinking about you
how you would have looked
how old you would have been
how we would be
would we think alike
would we help each other out
I don't know why I have this gut feeling if you were here - I would be thin
Dear sister
I'm sorry I've never thought of you before
I dont know - I really dont know
I feel...wicked
I have so many emotions I have no control over
I wish you were here to talk to you about them
Dear sister
God left me to live and  took you
he chose you to go to heaven for sure
I am still in question
I am living this life
with so many mistakes
I wish I had you to tell me to lose weight or to tell me not to worry about our parents
or to tell me I am your older sister
Me , A sister!


You suddenly came into my mind!
I really don't know why!
maybe its for healing purposes
I suddenly feel I want you more than anything
I dont want to think of love Suddenly
Suddenly I just want to see my sister


Suddenly I ask what you would look like
What I would like.......


Suddenly
God opens a gate between us
I don't know
I just felt you
I felt you........