Dear God... I am your ugly servant

Dear God,
I have sinned uncontrollably
I have sinned disrespectfully
I have sinned Queitly , silently, dangerously
I have sinned conintuously
I have sinned adamantly
I have sinned knowingly
desirably strongly madly deeply
I have sinned harmfully
i have sinned .... un fortunately

Dear God
I am your servant
I only have I to account for
I only have this soul inside me that you will judge
 only have this heart that beats in me that you will recover
I only have this body I own that you will ask

Dear God
I am your regretable servant
the one who has sinned time and time again
until time was lost
and faith was the cost
I lost my faith
I forgot how to wake up for alsubuh in time
i forgot how to not indulge
I forgot how to not accept the devils plate

Dear God
I am your broken servant
I am your shattered piece of glass
your tarnished silver ware
your advanced case of failure
your useless creation

Dear God
I am your useless servant
for you did not create me to sin
you created me to surf the lands and to disvoer the earth
to readbooks and learn new things
to pray for you and live for you and die for you
to love for you and to love for you only

Dear God
I am your creation less servant
for I have not made you anything
I have not given you anything
I have not bought you anything
I have not asked you anything
I have not trusted you anything

Dear God
I am your servant
who wants to repent so bad I wish the world would cut short right now so I could experience of true tawbah
what I mean is I wish the world would stop spinning for me so I could catch up with my life
for it is turning so fast on me
everytime I try and repent I miss the turning point
I want to repent so bad it hurts so far down deep inside me I do not even know how I could possibly get this pain out of me
I want to repent so strong and so alive I want to repent so new and so real
I want to repent so persistent and so magnetic
I want to repent so swiftly and so fast that this time the world does not miss me
this time the world does not go without me

Dear God,
I am your servant that you know has dnoe so much wrong
my face is black
my body is sagging
my heart is dying
my soul is kidnapped
my devils are well paid

Dear God
Please Please Please Please help me