just thinking 1

I think about a lot of things...

I think about the way things are meant to be

about the way things are now

whose meaning is it

or faith is it

or love is it

for life to go on the way it is now....

passionate

existent

traumatic

explicit

dangerously beautiful and exceptionally cruel

I imagine dreams true

I hurt for I have not found you

......in a way I dont even want my dreams

for I trust in God

and I want gods dreams for me

I want dreams that I have not dreamt

that is so much more

interesting

and yearning

and romantic

and real

than anything before

I hear thoughts

I see lies

I feel intensity

I feel blame

when all I want to be

is calm

is different

is strong

so strong that nothing compares to the beauty of my strength

for sometimes I know I am not beautiful

I definitely dont feel beautiful

beauty in me

hides

beauty in me

is secret anyway

and it will always be

until beauty in me is found

the right way