Last day of being twenty....

last day of being twenty
so many things i should have changed
such important things i needed to arrange
this year, last year - my thoughts were enlightened......... with madness
this year, last year - my heart was bombarded ................. with weakness
time flew and the air left me behind
until the last day of being twenty was all i could find
what did i want , what did i need
what did i desire, and for that how much did i bleed
what were my mistakes, my wrong calculations and blind accusations
where did i lose realisation and be a slave of imagination
when did i numb to sense and only be tense
how much pain did i gain and how many tears did i drop falling like rain
why did i give away so many secrets , why did i love so much till i was in debt
last day of being twenty
i reminisce loudly within me
silenced by what im analysing internally, and writing awkwardly
like an open book, i try and remember the pages of my finishing year
how many reports beginning with the word fear
how many hours spent in heartbreak
how many moments lying with soul ache

last day of being twenty
reminiscing dearly
about goodness and darkness
about yesterday and everyday
that i need to make better
sending tommorrow a letter
stepping into brightened weather
older and unique
wiser and owning a boutique - of determination
of continuation

i must
i will
i promise
to never say never
to never sleep into my dreams