Crying in mars

Premature drama screaming in my head
I am losing control
Tearing up my mind
I’m crashing my pride
My mistakes are too wide
I’m soaking in guilt
Breaking what was built
Dying in my thought
Incomprehensible and taut
I’m dying in my pain
I loathe my memories
I want to kill my fantasies
So illiterately wild
And sending me to madness
Where I’m gone fanatical
Trying to find answers
Trying to find reason
Begging that my life isn’t treason
Trembling that I am wet with shame
Blurting from me like inadequate fame
I seem to only gain more
I don’t want what the future has in store
Nothing is sacred within me anymore
Ugly tarnished core
I am raining with empty space
I cannot distinguish my face
I have drowned the reality of my trace
A bargain of failure
I have sold my savior
To the hell in me
To the trauma I see
Yet cannot never be repaired
Because I’m turning into wrong
And better at locking myself up
Than ever before

I need fresh air
To breathe in care
That I am too weak to ask
Such a heavy task
Although it was easy just a while back
But I smashed of the track
Can’t find my way back
Gifts I lack
Too dumb for the journey
I’m too stupid for my eternity
Leaving things fall out of meaning
I am not strong enough for determination
I am blind for sweet faith
I must find home
A place if just one thing is familiar
If maybe one thing was similar
To the pictures of my identity
But my identity is a stranger
Never further
Never scarier
So indistinguishable
So disastrous
The mess that’s become famous
Like an actor urging for claps
My body is urging for straps
So it doesn’t KEEP RUNNING into traps
I’m slipping into collapse
I’m crying in mars
So close from there but still can't reach the stars
My confusion is an explosion
And from the small earth so far away
I can see a broken light
Traveling in a lonely night
To break to me the news
That you are nearer than you think
To never waking up.