under life.. my skin changes to evil

Bad mother
Bad wife
Bad daughter

all armor down
words mean the world and emotions are wild
actions are broken
and life is just a mess
like oil spilled in sea
memories on the ground
poems unread
meanings unclear
love unwise
jealousy for the kill of a family

she is right
he is poor when i am around
he is tremendously strong for accepting me as his
she is tremendously kind for baring with all this flesh

for I dont deserve all these people
from the smallest to the biggest

theyre just here giving and never taking
theyre just breaking and i keep hitting
theyre just trying but in my eyes always failing
theyre just living and in my eyes life is dying

of course I am unhappy
my arms hurt
and i am so behind
in everything
my tongue is like the razor of mincemeat so sharp and bloody
my eyes are like glass mirrors cutting through arteries
my ears are like trauma wailing
my breaths are wasps of stinging anaphylaxis to kindness

this is not how things should be

I always asked myself
why is someone doing that or this
acting like this or that
can this person not see they are wrong
can this person not see they are mean

and now i am involved
intimately
as that person who doesnt understand

who they are
why they think like this
why do things like that
why they feel like this
and most importantly

why theyve turned into a monster