change the whole of me 4

I  look at myself in the mirror and i see a woman lacking flavour , apricotcscrubs and life

I look at myself deeper and I think what is it that I  can realy see hidden behind unexfoliated skin?

There is a                woman of                                       beautiful character 

of poise 

of depth                                                  elegance,                                            inner peace
,                              and

                                                          sweet  magnetism

there is a woman of sanction,  calm and goodness, a woman wanting simple but powerful things

                                                             young cool faithful dreams 

like  the air from a 2am refrigerator in the silenc of an african night except for one passing tired lorry or a 4 pm mug of tea in a khartoum alley way after a busy traffic street in downtown memory lane

there is a dream there are so many smaller dreams i side me

                                   yelping to escape 

i hope they come close enough so i can catch them

I hope they are  strong enough so I cannot hurt them

I hope they come healthy enough so they save me from myself

Ya Rab change the whole of me Ya Rab 

today, this year , today anyday change the whole of me 

I ask you to help me find what it is i am looking for
 for even I do not really know but I know its shape its colour its  texture its meaning its ability to make others happy to make my faith happy to make me smile ya Rab I think i know what it is but I do not know what it looks like

I Want you to help me  choose for me to guide me 

Ya rAb help me do not leave me alone

and do not leave me guess

leave me be better always leave me do the right thing always
I asked you this year to change the whole of me and I intend to continue no matter how close how hard how unbearable
I want to transform into all those things the woman inside me really is

please make me make the right choice 

Ya rab help me 

I ask you to help me 

Ya rAb
always